at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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