Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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