she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
