I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
