they need to just BURY HIM!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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