It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
