i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
