closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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