return my video game
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
