Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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