I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
