went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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