I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize