Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
