Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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