he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
