is your mom at the bar?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize