we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
