ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
