Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
