I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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