When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
