Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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