Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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