I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
