How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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