I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
