Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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