I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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