She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize