I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
