His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize