did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
