so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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