She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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