**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Someone stole a lamp last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
