do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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