what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize