Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
