Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
