shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
