Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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