went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
