OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
