in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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