There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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