She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
