best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
