I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize