I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
