White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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