I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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