You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You made out with two different species that night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
