I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
