I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize