I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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