Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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