There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
