I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
