think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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