Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
