people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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