i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
