He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
