i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
