And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
