Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
