I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
