My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
