nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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