And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
