I just pynch a tree in the face
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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