Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
