She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize