Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
