she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
