The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
