Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Someone shit on the floor
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
