But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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