my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
