You made me cry and you don't even care
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
