how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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