I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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