I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
