and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
