All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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