Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
