next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
