the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
