I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
