I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
