The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
