There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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