Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
