we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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