My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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